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SCEKE I. 
LcuiM, Dare to call my uncle, sir, and 1*11 slap your face. 



^Turner's f3wmatfc fLlbxntv. 

THE DEAD SHOT 

A POPULAR FARCE. 
IN ONE ACT. 



BY JOHN BALDWIN BUCKSTONE, 

Author of Luke the Laborer ; The Happiest Day of My Life 
Snakes in the Grass ; S)C., &^c. 



I'F.INTED rnOM THE BEST ACTING COPY, WITU nEMAKKS, 
BIOGRAPHICAL AND CniTlCAL, BY E. T. W. 

To which is added 

k description of the Costume. Cast of Uie Characters, Exits and 

Entrances, aiul the wi;o!p of the Siage Business, 

Properties, and Directions 

AS NOW PEIIFORMED IN THE 

LONDON AND AMERICAN THEATRES. 

.- W'.Tff A FINE SPIRITED ENGRAVCXG, 

By WooDsiDE, from a Drawing taken in tlie Tlieatre. 



FREDERICK TURNER, PUBLISHER; 

SOLD BY TURJ^TER JIXD FISHER, 
11 NORTH SIXTH STREET. 






/V/f/^ 



TMP92-008370 J|k 



5 THE DEAX) SHOT. 

s SUcniarlts. 

We are not much disposed to pronounce a litisty or too elaborate 
ax opinion upon the merits or de-inerils of any work without findiug 
upon careful examination that it bears some spfciul mark of comirjen- 
dation or censure ; it, however, requires but little discernment to pcr- 
(Etive what is worthy of a few favorable remarks on this piece, ajid 
the more we analyse its merils, the more we are pleased. 

This aiiiui^ina little farce was first performed at the Adelphia Thea- 
tre, Loi.don, teveral years ugo, and lia^ since been produced witli 
great succ(•^s at ail the theasres in thai place, and in this country. - 
Tlie author has shown mucii »kil! in the management and situaii )n of 
Ids cl a acters, as also in the [lot — and we do not remember a scewe 
that produces a more lively entertainment than that between Louisa 
nnd 'I'iniid ; indee I, throughout, each character exhibits a degree of 
intciKst and humor. 

Wr. J.ines in the character of Timid, has been alway.- admiied* 
He plays it io his arcnsioined stylr, which few or no actors of the 
iircsent day can upproach. In many characters this gentlcniau has l»ad 
no eqnai since the days of Francis. 

Mr. Murdi»ck'« represent 'Sion of Frederick is a neat performance. 
Alihouth but young, and a j-hort space of imie elapsed since he made 
his first npjicarance as uu actor, he has airaulybeeu classed as a 
finished performer. His talents in public, are rendered more vahiiible 
to hini8;j;f and friends, by his amiable and gentlemanly depottment in 
private life. 

Mrs. Rowbotliam perhaps cannot be surpassed in Loiii«.a; in the spi- 
rited and fasciratinj this Indy is pre einiinrit-, and ft)r the lovers of 
'he Drama It is to be hoj e I, that slie will long remain so. 

'Jliishaipy c mbinaiKm of talei.t, joined with the m^riis of the 
piece, make ii one of the most nniuishig after-pie es that at present 
lioljj poKreKsioi of the St«ge. E. T. \V. 



DRAMATIS PEKSON^. 



Frederick Mr. Murdock. 

Captain Cannon...,* Mr. Watson. 

Timid Mr. Jones. 

Wiseman - . ...Mr. Kent. 

Williams Mr.tberle. 

Police Officers. 

Louisa , .IVIrs. Robotham. 

Chatter. Mrs. Stickney. 



COSTUME. 
Capt. Cannon — Plain old man'* suii — morning gown. 
Jilr- Hector Timid — Sliori green cent, nankeen irovvsers, striped silk 

stockings, wliite hat, and white waistcout. 
Mr. Wiseman — Plain suit of black. 

Frederick Thornton— Bine suriout, wliite trowserj, and b»otl. 
Jyouisa — Blue«alin dress;, and bine shoes. 
Ohattcr — Flowered muslin gown, while apron, and cap. 



PROPERTIFS. 
Table— red baize— Two Ciialrs—Bcoks— White rose— waiter, 
gloves, wine — blood for Frtderick. 



EXITS AND ENTRANCES. 
R. means Tiight; L. Lejt\ R.D. Ui^ht Door; L.D. Left 
Vaor'. S,!!.. Second Entrance ; U. E. Upper Entrance ; M.D. 
Middle Door, 

RELATIVE POSITIONS. 

R. R.C. C. L.C. L. 

O" Ttu Header it lupponed to be oh the Stage facing tJit 
Audience, 



THE PE/ID 8j2©T. 



SC l^XF..-— -Jk Aptnlnieiit — A f raci'irahU it'ti.dinr oi ^il E.L. H. 

—J closet on 'S(l I . !!. II. uilhicq in the I.e u-hvta.-^A'tamT 
corered tvit h red haiz e — 1«</'< <..< liivki oit iu b Cc. Two coiered 
cfunrs, a thud chair nniter witidinc / 

J ^i.t.er.CuArrEi ' ^ sJ:ow'niL' in Fui ni: incK. i,. IL.^ .^ .. 

Chiit. Hush! don't ini!;esucli a tioise ^^it'> the heels of 
^ yflWfc boota, m- C'aptaiR <.V.ih«« will he;ii yew. I hive shock- 
ing news for you — mymast'cr iias c-on)e to a dettrm.ination— 
my mistress is in desjjiair, and 1 am luttlly inistMable. 

Fred. Let me know the worst, my dear Chatter, as you 
love me. 

Chtit. The fact of the matter is thit — I liave been looking 
for you this half hour, and llie iDomenf 1 caught a glimpse of 
you, I beckoned you into l!i* hous<; to iiituini you ot the hor- 
rid climax things ha>e aiiivt-d at. iMy mas'ei is preparing 
to receive youj;.rfi»-»tf, i Ifty Jiii.^ti4»»s .ig ^.cp.iriiig to die of a 
broken heart, and I'm preparing you to follow her to the 
grave, and be buried at the s.ime time. 

Fred. In the name of patience, Cliatler, what do you mean'? 

Chat. Well then, in short 

Fred. Yes, yes, now don't be so long. 

Cliat. INJy master. Captain Oannon, has come to a resolu- 
tion, that his niece shall this very day make choice of one of 
her suitors for her future husband. Mr. Hector 1 imid, is 
expected here every minute, and Mr. Wiseman in about half- 
anhour J during which time, Miss Louisa is to make up her 



10 DEAD »HOT, 

mind which is to be the man. One of your fraternity is to 
be called in, in three quatlfers of an hour, and in one hourf 
from this moment you and my mistress will be miserable for" 
life, and 1 shall sit down to ruminate on that old poetical 
adage, that the course of true love never did run smooth. 

Fred. 1% that the fact 1 

Chat. It is indeed, 

Fred. What is to he donel Chatter, Chatter, what shall 
1 do. 

Chat. Act with prudence, a'nd be patient. 

Fred. T can't— indeed I can't. 

Chat. If that is the case, I would advise you to look out 
for the most hoiizontal branch of a tree, and tlie stoutest rope 
you can find— for nothing but despair awaits you; and what 
is the most approved remedy for despair, but a pistol or a 
halterl — But he shan't be so suicidal if he will only listen to 
me half a moment. Come hither Mr. Frederick, my mistress 
Ins a plan — 1 have a small quantity of artfulness, and you 
must also possess a little presence of mind, and these, with 
some of the ([uirks and quiddities of your profession, will 
bring us to the point we aim at, 

A PT^iN Canno n heard without tLii. caUiiig "Chatter." 

Chat. Coming directly, sir, 

Capt, C. (witlio'it) Where have you laid my razors, Chattejl 

Chat, {speaking off) Close to your profile on the mantle- 
shelf, sir. You remain here a second, while I step to the 
Captain. [Ru7, ft.n, 

Fred. His razors — T wish %£^^ cut his throat with them, 
with all my heart. If he shoulcl^d me here I'm lost forever. 

CJiat. IIusli! he's coming down stairs — so do you retire 
into this closet for the space of half-an-lioiir : if you can't 
aUiUse yourself with your thoughts, you may take a short nap ; 
and if you can't sleep, make upycur mind to be as miserable 
as possible in case of disappointments. 

Fred. ]Wt suppose 1 should be discovered, Chatter? 

Chut. All you luive to do Is to sit still-<— you can make a 
seat of one of the shelves, and 1 shall lock you in to prevent 
acci lents, and call ycu out iu case we should require your 



M^. 



PEAD SII< 



11 



t in with you, and be 
'nto the clo set , r. lu 



K 



assistance. Now no words aboul i 
a quiet patient good boy. ( She 

^d E. (Did /oy/g the dot^r, andvjct^S^e Ihu r k hef^rfflcket^ There 
— he IS sale enough. Wow ftjffar M*atVie Captain has to 
»ay, and theiHto bysinesst ^Qere he clnies 

Enter Cavta 



moi 



ninssoun and red slippeit. 



Capt. What made^^aijjde my razors. Chatter? 

Chut. Oh, now I reni|Sect. I've hid them, because I yeji 
tcrday mornin J^servect how your ijand shook while you 
were shaving. Adll was apprehensive that you might let the 
razor slip some mglning, therefore I advise you, sir, to hire a 
valet instan^, an*k,not mist so dangerous a weapon in such 
an unstead^^iand. ^"n.^! 

Ciipt. Hav^ou fiiiighcd your lecture 1 Ob, now I presume 
I may speak./ Wl^ei^your mistress'! 
rrfrom sir. 



Chat. 
Capt. 'l\ 

Chut, n^v 

:apt. Eff! 



ertpcome to me. 

r her>l<iar open, sir — she's coming, sir, ^^ 

A radliiicr at door hif Fn ED*; R'CJ<, »i. ii. 3d F,_j l<X 
what's 'that] 1 thou^^hl 1 heard a noise in the- . , 



Capt 
room. »»* -.^. . •.-«.-»'•-..«», 

Chat. Oh dear, no sir,— it's the cat jumping off the dresser 
in the kitchen : tliey often do so sir. 

Capt. Ah, you know which way the cat jumps, I dare say. 



^ ^»|^p-y.nnr.A. n,„.r.p. 



Ijm. (pnterinjf) Ifere I am, my dear uncle, ready to listeri 
to any prefatory exhortation you may have to make — to obey 
you in every thing, and please myself— If I can. 

Capt . (takiiijr her haiul VWM. Louisa, the momentous day 
has at length arnrnini^H^'oii are now to make choice of a 
partner for life Mr. Timid and Mv. Wiseman will soon bg 
here, and, accordhig to your request, 1 consent to your having 
half an hour's private conversation witli each, previous to 
your selection, which, 1 trust, will be made congenial to your 
own taste and feelings. 

Lou. But suppose I sliould not like either of the gentlemen, 
you will not expect'm^WrnaTry against my inoUnaiions 1 

VupU Pon't talk such boardini^'-school jjonsence to me— I 



DXAD 



12 DXAD SHOT, 

« 

am not one of those sevser^uardians who pip.re beforff a o'lrl 
one man, and if he be a^Jpi|;!y,as Cyclop, and as sliort as a 
miiitiadruinm-erbo}., swear. tj^^i^jie iilhe nian you-shall.have, 
and no other. ^ ^> 

Loii, You are very considgraffe^^indeed, uncle: but I'm 
afraid you'll be disappointed. ("^U/'f)^^ •v - 

Ctipt. Yes, I pive you two M|idi>ciplined regularly trained 
gentlemen — both toleiably vwK-lookiu^both toltrably well- 
off, and both tolerably in love v,\}\\^you ; and if you don't 
shortly decide upon one of them, 1 shall concluile that you 
are either very difficult to please, or have riflfce up your mind 
to die an old maid. * 

Lou. Well, 1 suppose I must submit — though Mr. Timid, 
you must confess, is not what the <^i !d calls a vounE: man. 

Capt. Only forty or thereabouts* In the piin?e of life, girl ; 
in his full bloom and vigor. No man should mairy till he's 
thiity — he's not seasoned for the campai|n of matrimony till 
then ; thirty-five is the standard age, and five years moie is 
rather an improvement than otherwie. 

Lou. But he is so very reserved, he has never once men- 
tioned hi, love to me ! and does so tren)ble and tfu^h when- 
ever 1 casually look at him, that I declare I find myself as 
much confused as the poor gentleman himself; and last week 
in presenting me with a cup of chocolate, 1 but accidently 
glanced at him, when he dropped tlie chocolate at tny feet- 
scalded me — trod on the lap dog — overturned the fire screen, 
and rushed out of the room. 

Capt. What greater proof of afFect]gp do you require? 
Keal love has inade the most courageous hero tremble in the 
presence of his mistress ; and many a man who wc;uld not 
s!i:ink from a charge of bayonets, has found himself retreating 
in disorder from the harmless artillery of a pair of sparkling 
eyes. trr^^-.'.- 

Loll. Then the other gentleman, Mr. Wiseman, lie is so 
extretnely delicate and refined in his ideas, that one scarcely 
knows how to add re s him. 

Ciipt. Well, well, your allotted half hour with each, will 

ire one with confidence and the other with notions more 

in unison with your own. >^ 

^jf^/< tmi'( 'rr'" limrf 4 ''m^n m 1""™ 

Chnt. That is^Jr. 'I imid's little knock,*! know. \ I'lil t..H. j 
dipt. Now, Louisa, i hope you perfectly coiiifiiehend me :/ 






DfAD SHOT. 13 

*— one of these gentlemen you shall have. I have long" 
observe*! you — I know you want a iiusband. Nay, nay, don't 
attempt to deny it — I understand these afFuirs betttr than 
you imagine 1 do. You want a husband, and one you have«« 
this very day, or none at all, I'll have a preparatory word 
with ]\ir. 'J imid, and then despatch him to encounter his 
mistress and meet his fate. f Exit, l. ii>J iS^ 

41^ red. ( rattUjjtr at ihe door.'K. H. 3d T£. ^ LouisaT 

Lou, Eh— what's that ?' """" " 

Frid. Louisa, my love'? 

Lou, As 1 live it is Frederick's voice"! How, in the name 
of wonder, came he in the closet! Frederick, is that you \ 

Fred. ^ es. 

Lou. What do you here T 

Fred, I don't know. 



V. 



Lou. Mow came YO j^iliere? 

Tn^TTsf Cl'iaTter. 



"#- 



" T^rf^yT^H AT-rrn i 



Chat. Hush — hush! AJiss. I put him in there in case we 
should want him. Lay still, sir, or you'll ruin us both. (Biing- 
iugLovisA JovH'jrd) Mr. I imid is coming uj) immediately — 
he is in such a twitter ! he has taken his kid gloves cfl' and on 
a dozen limes in half a minute ; and has wiped the peispira- 
ticn from his foiehead so often with his white cambric pocket 
handkerchief, that it stems quite damp. 

Lou. iSow, Chatter, act up to me, or we are lest. You 
know that iMr. Timid imagines me an angel — that my gentle- 
ness of temper he has ofien declared to my uncle, is the only 
quality he loves me for — that he entertains the utmost hoiror 
of a shrew — and is as great a coward as we can possil iy wish 
him to be. Now 1 11 ct-rtainly prove to him that 1 am an 
angel' — that is, a fallen one; and that my gentlene.sof temper 
only requires a very slight cause to make it as stormy as the 
roughest wind that ever blew. 

LhiU. Hush! he's here. Walk up, Mr. Timid. 

liter Mn. Timir, l. n. htmb^^ (uJitle (^ griibrw pocket hand' "^^U 

■^ftiriiriiliii llfir- ''■' -""^ '^■\ , ^ 

^ Lou. 6>ii/(//v) Chatter, my love, lake Mr. Timid's hat anct 



u 



DKAD SHOT. 



^ 



stick ; bang his hat In Uje h'.iU, put his gloves in his hat, and 
put his stick outside the door; and mind you place them 
where no harm canct)me to them. ( V.w Kv-^ ^i ^titken them ) 

Tim. Oh, don't trouble yourself, I beg. — I'hat is stop, 

stop — my hrindkerchiet' is in my h.it. Oh, no, it is in my 
pocket — so It i-, 'Jhankee! vou'rc very kind. 

[Exij i'.u AT I lilt . uilh hut &ic, i.. n. ami re-enters l. iim^- 
Ifl'n.'S'.t down, Ali". 'rimid--'sit down, 1 beg. 
Tim. I'liankee, madam- 111 stand, if it makes no di<Te- 
rtnce to you. f\ifi<i^^) I vvish she had not taken my hat, I 
shan't know what to do with my hands. 

I.ini. Chatter, dear, biing Mr. 'limid a chair. 
^^Tim. Y(«u're very kind indeed. 

V (CiiATTKU ?./iir c.s a chair behind Timid, who reireats til l 
\Vy "Cii^T7nn^''<s ^ g g^""; itfUlimt T,. H. aUtf^e tiorrihr 
Jflr i";MiD,"ff/(Jl ' VHil) UVMi CnATTi:.n. i^rts PUB t'or_Lovi%A,, 




J.OU. Well, I\Ii 'limid, and how do you fiqd yourself? 

Tim. Why, ma'am, rather poorly — that is yes, ma'am. 

l.ou. Very warm and pleasant out of doors — don't you 
think so, sir ? 
. Very, 
l.pti. Butl think though it will ri^in presently. 
lim. I think it will— it looks rather— a-eh! did you speak? 
l.ou. No. 
^Tim. Oh! 

Lou. 1 think there's rather a sharp air, too, I opened my 
window a few moments since, and 1 really was obliged to 
phut it immediately, it was so cold. 
9- Tim.Ve^ — as you say, it is — very cold, 

J.OU. Will you take a glass of wine, sirl 
^ Tim, ]Vo,thankee— I— 1— a— were you going to speak 1 

J.OU. No. 
^ Tin. Ohl 

Lou. Cliatter! r Cii , Aii-t:K owk's doivn o» n. H,") ^Would 
you be so kiuJ. as. just to step into fiie garaen^Anci on the 
♦iMrd bed ob the right haml suTt;7a« you go down the centre 
walk, you will see a d^i#»jksk^«)*e tree; will you be so good 
8sju t to pluck me one? aqd have the kindness tP.hring it me. 







DEAD S}I0T< 15 

Chat. Yes, miss. 

Lou. I hope it will not interfere with more impoitant 
duties'! 

Chat. No, miss. 

Lou. Then will you be so kind T 

Chat. Yes, miss. 

Leu, Thank, you. 

Exit ChatteHj Ui it. LoUisA reniahu seattd in Centre t* f^ 
tta^e, tt<f»V"a ^gJ* head f. I u. us Inohin^ tifler LtiAiiLtti 
Jfte'^TiMih'^speaks to Loins a , tire huliiil/ turns h 
towards him, " i- 

f^Tim. ( aside ) UoW tenderly she speaks to her maid. I don'l 
see why I should be so alarmed. I'll Say sorhethin^. (draws 
■nearer to Louisa) M^ss^Mi^g JUuii^a^ MaiAaffil Pray, 
Miss— a^!^'--liow is — a— -aiu you speak? 

Lou. No. ^ 

^Tim. Oh! T 

Lou. Upon my word, Mr. Timid, you look remarkably well 

to-day— I never saw you look so 4miU and blooming (if I 

may be allowed the expression) before. 

.^ Tim. (j draunns his chair a little towards her'j Lord do yoU 

think so ? 

Lou, What a pretty tvaistcoat you have got on, to be sure* 

— Tim. ( unbtittonins his coat^ and drawing still nearer to her) 

Indeed — iS— if you Tike it— III make a present— that isTl 

mean to say well, I think it is very neat. 

Lou, Ver y, ind eed! —and how peculiarly nic^ you do tie 

^ Tim. T drawino: nearer to her ^ she turns her head, and he loo k$_ 
. rather confoundei f) I think sheTljuizzing me. X)h, no, it's 
impossible. I'll begin at once, {aside) Hem ! Madam — you 

are doubtless aware -.^. 

Lou, Yes. sir. 
^ Tim, Eh! I beg parJoli—T thought you were going to^, 
speak. Oh — you are doubtless aware of the nature of my 
present visit ? ...^ 

Lou. Perfectly, sir. 

Tim. (ris^s) I trust the — that is—I'm a man of very (evt 
words, I think, madam— that is. Miss Louisa— that your gen- 
tleness of disposition, and your urbanity, and— and mildn^. %t, 
Upon all occasions, is such, that it appears evident you ate 



16 DEAD SHOr* 

every way calculated to m \ke me uncommonly happy ; and, 
if 1 might venture to — to express the very warm attachment 
1 have for — for some length of time felt for you, and you 
a'onc, 1 am convinced you would not hesitate to make me 
happy. I — I — have four hundred a year, independent pro- 
perty — a large house well furnished — very comfortable — free- 
hold — and all tliat. 1 am now at an age to act with pro- 
priety — that I told you once before. JMy mother is my only 
^ im'umbrance. I have a very pretty horse and chaise, ancL- 
,f A-' good dogs, and very good gnns ; and if you "are fond <w^ 
sport, 1 can give you plenty of it; and 1 think I can hare 
every thing about me to make us both very co'rnfortable ancL.-^ 
liaj)py — and — and — yes, that is all. 

E/i^^ gjli^jiATJlEtt^ n^iuwkha ichite rose, 

J.PU. Why my dear i\Ir. '1 imid 

Chat, i he rose, madam. 
^„f^ Tim. Yes, madam. ( (Iraichi^ his chair (;^uite close to her, 
uhile Chattf k presents tlfe uJiile rose fo Louisa.) " ~ 

Loi'i. { stdittn^ Kp, atirt^diniii^ ivUh't'ury, ivhitfi Timid runs 
tvitU chdirTo his former jUtUon. t.. h. D» t^' alumni.) Vou care- 
^ess, inattentive liiissey — you disappointer of my hopes, and 
blighter of my prospects — come here. Don't stand trembling^ 
there — come here, 1 say, (st-iziiif ^ her onn, and dra i^( jiin^ her 
t o the, centre af the, sti.irp) l5Tl hot 1 tell you a damask rose] 
Chat. (ii. H.) Did — did you miss? ( tremblij^o^) 
Lou. ((.) Did I, miss] — yes, 1 did, miss. 
Chiit. 1 think you said a white rose, miss^^^^^^^ 
Lou. How-d«re you contradict nte! — hc/^WH^^PIWpen 
your mouth in justification of an error that your own con- 
science must tell you you have wilfully committed! I said 
a damask rose; and 1 appeal to Mr. Timid (turns to him) 
Mr. 'limid! (s tamping) 
^ Tim. {>;}ap}<^.z up uLirtned^ throws <}ow n his chair\ Madam ! 
/f^ Lou. Did I, or did 1 not, "say, a damask rose? 
^^«* Tim. 1 was not paying any great attention, miss; but I 
'''^ think you did say a damask rose. 

Lou. You think I said so — you know I said so. Why 
don't you speak out like a man ? and not stand fidgit, fidgit, 
fidget, in that corner ; and when a question is put to you, 
mumble out about what you think. Chatter, come hither. 
Ah, you heedless creature, {advancei towards Chatter, ^^X 



DEAD 5HOT. 17 

is n hJ I have a great inclination to box your ears soundly. 
Yon know my violent temper, and you have acted thus to 
irritate nu^. 
0/il'ini. (i/ ^iftg ) I never was more astonished in all my life. 

LiU. (l oirihl ij yiaciriir her_jJuijj^ Sit down, i\lr. Timit^ 
Pray don't di>Tun)TWrse"l — tlie inattention of that ^irl is^'**' 
enou^'h to sour the sweete'st temper. You have no idea what 
1 have to put up willi from her. l^eave the room, {to Ct JAJ-), 
no come back, ( >Us j / g j f I'-'-Ix^H^ ) I niay want you. Well, ' 
Mr. I imul, and liow is^ffi^poor mother 1 
^ Tim. VV hy— in fact, 1 don't know : she went down to Bath 
about a month au;o, and she has not written to me for more 
than a week ; but 1 tliink she's pretty well, thankee. 

Lou. You seem faint, I\Ir. Timid — you had better take a 
glass of wine? — nay, I insist. Chatter, my dear, bring AJr. 
'iimid a glass of Port. Vou prefer Port, I believe, Mr. 
'J'ir^.id? 
^0»Tii)i. Yes, if you pleas'*. 

Lou. Bring it, dear, (e iit Ch^ t^j^^.'^ you don't seem 
so well as you did a few minutes agoVmr. 'Iimid — 'a glass of 

wine will invigorate you, and ^ 

l^jwhe in the closet by Frkd. h. h. 3d E. J 
Tim. What's tWtTTw^oncfer ! ' "•■ 

Lou. What, sir ? 

Tim. I heard a noise in that closet! 
Lou, Oh dear no, impossible. 
Tim, 1 think I did. 
^"^Lou, But J tell you, you didn't. ( 

..r Nijise a sain hu Fr f. p. - . 
^Tim, There! there ! I thought nil" ^'^"''"* i. -^ 

Tlnter Chatter with a ^lasa of white wine on w aiter, n. h. 

lov. Chatter, there's a noise in the closet. 

Chat. Is there ma'am I Oh, now I recollect, — I put the 
lap dog in there a little while ago. It has been very surly 
ever since Mr. Timid trod on it the other night ; and for fear 
it might bite him when he came in, I thought it best to lock it 
up, and the poor thing is impatient to get out and attack Mr. 
I'imid, I dare say. 

Lou. Poor thing. Lay still, Pompey, 

■Tim, Be quiet, Pompey. 

.Lou, IjfaQd Mr. Timid the wine, love. 



u 



DtAb SllOt. 



vX iiATTrn hanihjhe olass taJiMiP, who tahes it from her, and 

yOjC i> fM pi'ces w^^^^ Louisa ap years'a^oAted'l^ 

// thouohi. 1 iMiD iigomg to dr hi k, whenTe'siops. "" — ~*" 

^^T/w. Hem! your health^^na 'ami . , ^^ 

^on. ( /ur»s /ier head to n. h> '3d E iT'Poor Pompev doesn't 
like to be locked up,' ' '" ' 

^g^ Tim. Your very good health, ina'am. 

Lon. Lie still, Pompey— you^ail^e teleused presently— » 
Poor Pompey. 
^^^m Tim. ( rishio^'—Umd er) YoUr good health, ma'am! ^ 

I'OU. (t nrvs J mstily Iter head) aud rises) I really beg youf ** 
pardon, sir — 1 was at that moment so lost in thought——* 
'J'hank you, thank you, sir. ( Timid 15 /ust about to drink, 
when she interrupts him ) Hold, sYr ! ( Timid starts andspiU i_ 
sfrpae. oi t' he tviue'^j^els to L. n. ) Don'f drink, sir, I desireT 
Chatter, do you see that glas^ Do you see what wine you 
have brought? Give it me, sir! {i uUiujr the slass from 
TiMin\ h and, uho is gr eatly amazed') Is this J:*oirt wine ? '^ 
C/jaf7 Yes, miss. 
V' Lou. How dare you look me in the face, and utter that 
\ abominable untruth 1 « -. ^ 

Chat. Oh dear, no more it ati*t. ^juhesttie uine ) 
Lou. You knew that, you aggravafing torment — but I'll 
not put up with it. Mr. 'J imid said he preferred Port, and 
you have wilfully brought him sherry. 
„*^— Tim. (havinsf advanced tow ard s hovi^ \) My dear madatn*— 
it is not of the least conseqiience. 

Lou. Silence, sir— how, dare you speak! 

^0>0 Tim, {aside) Damn it, I wish I was safe out of the house. 

Lou. Come hither, Chattel. You have offended me past 

forgiveness, and I am resolved no longer to endure it. YoU 

have committed a fault, and then have endeavoured to screen 

it by a falsehood*— by a falsehood ? I say ; and no servant of 

mine shall ever dare to utter a falsehood in my presence, 

^Svhile I have a tongue to scold and hands to chastise her. You 

provoking hussey, how dare you use me in this way ? I'H^ ' 

teach you to know your duty— you shall not add crime to 

wilful neglect. There ! there ! there ! ( Chatter knee ls at 

ft* ^. She ^ slqvs her vi olently on the backj t hen taJ iiii^lier cop . 

fJtt tear s, }t in^eces, '^U nalnarc jies vp and d mmjh e stagfi 

'LjuixTstands agamsi the 'stage door astonished and alarmed,) 



DEAD SHOT. 19 

Chat, (iisii^e) Oh! my best lace cap, that cost me three 
and twopence ! ( Louisa seats h^ rsp-lf ii f. a ^air — Chatter' s, ^ 
rises, and irives wine tosom^ m i ^t ji^ hA 
0im Tim, icrniag) A joke's a joke^but when the happiness of 
a man's hfe is at stake, he should sumnion~up' a little cou- 
rage. I'll expostulate with her, ( Advuncinsr to Louisa) 
Madam! I — 1 really do not see any necessity for your being 
so very violent-upon so trifling an occasion, madam ; and 
allow me to observe, that such conduct would render you far 
from amiable in the eyes of any man, much less one who i?*'- 
destined to be your husband, ( louder) and I must maintain 
madam, that your temper is not what I thought it to be ; and 
if you were my wife, (which thank Heavei), you are not yet 
madam,) I should say — I should say — 

Lou. ( itartiiig vp) What, sir I what would you dare to say? 
How dare you attempt to dictate to me? you are not yet my- ... 
master! and while 1 continue my own mistress, 1 am at 
ifberty to act as 1 think proper, sir! yes, sir as I think proper, 
sir! Now, sir, what have you to say to thut, sir? 

f Fo/ Wj/^^ Timid, with chairs in his hands, round the stao;6 ... 

to R. H.) 

^^ Tim. I'll call your uncle, miss ! — miss! I'll call your uncle ! 
upon my life I will. 

Lou. Dare to call my uncle, sir, and I'll slap your face ! 

I Knocking by Fred, at closet, r.h. 8d e. 

^^Tim.. Madam, this is''not at all the conduct of a lady! ^ 

^^ Lou. I don't value your opinion a button, sir! ^/^ 

r FnED. rattles closet door, •^ 
^^ Tim, And I value you less, ma'am ! yes, ma'am, less than 
— than a button, ma'am! You've put me in a passion, 
ma'am ' — and when I get in a passion, I've no command 

over myseU-— and I've a great mind to 

Lou. To clo what, sir ? — What would you dare to do, sir ? ^ 

F rederick has rattled at the closet, and in spite of Cn \t, /C 
^^^//^ ^Fflj) p^7^^t it to kee p him quiet, now bu rsts i t openT^ 'nteni \ji\ 
Jr from closet, an d gets fo l. h. Iimw is iht&idWityucJ^^^ ^'yfL 
^\i snat ches up acn uir, and stands on the defence, .LbuisA^ Vx^ 
Tifgps 'I'l mTd^s fa ceTand runs ojf\ r7 h. 

*•"* Tim. Come on sir,—- come on ! my blood is up, and I don't 
care what 1 do. Come on all of you — You, madam 1 ( cali- 
t'?ig ) you and your lap-dog here. ~ 

B 



;x 



20 DEAD SHOT. 

Fred. Lap-dog, sir ! What do you mean by that, sir ! 
Tim. ( thfows iLicaij his cligixjr-ru'is ^ to i.. H.aiid calls) Cap- 
tain Cannon," Csptain L aunon, (^aptain Cannon ! Murder ! 
Chat, (t o Fred. ) Out with you througl» the window ! ■"^ 
Site opens the window— -he leap s out. 

Enter Captain Cannon, l. h. 
*|*.. Ill ■ — f 

dipt. Hey-day! what discharge of musquetry is this? 
Tim. Captain Cannon — I'm astonished, deceived, and in* 
suited. Look, sir — look at that young man! ( l ookins round 
vei'ceives Frederick has vanished. ) Eh! Oh, l^m either 
areamnig or starR macT. ■ -i uw 

Capt. What young man, sir? — My niece's maid do you 
mean ! 

■*• Tim. Don't talk to me. Captain — I'm not in a fit state to 
be spoken to at this moment — and 1 feel a little maddish. [si^ 
Capt. Well, sir, I have no objeetion to wait till you have 
a sane moment. 

Tim. ( rises) Captain Cannon — the fact is this: X fell in 
love with your niece — I made her an offer of my hand and 
heart, and all that — because 1 imagined her to be the best ' 
tempered girl in England. 
Capt. VVell, sir, so sheis. 
^^ Tim. Is^e? I have had five minutes conversation with 
her, and it has ended with my being thankful that I am alive! 
— Aye, sir, you may be as astonished as you please. Ask 
that girl, sir. — just put the question to Cliatter. 

Chat. You'll excuse me sir — my mistress is perfectly at 
Jiberty to use me asshe thinks proper : and it is a maxim 
^fw'ith me, ever to return good for evil. Bcr^y dutiful — very 
attentive— and never tell tales out of school. [ Eii lj r. h. ,. ^ 
„^ Tim. They are both alike! — fortunate thing fol mel have 
discovered what she is — wouldn't marry her if she were as 
magnificent as Cleopatra, beautiful as Helen, and worth a 
million a month. 

Capt. Will you have the kindness, sir, to have a little less 
to say to yourself, and something more to me? What is the 
cause of this change in^your conduct? 
„^-" Tim. Sir, your niece is a vixen — a perfect Xantippe ; and 
in one breath can slap faces, tare caps, and bite off noses. 
CapL Pray, sir, are you sober? 



DEAD SHOT. 21 

H^Tim. I think so. I have o nly at tempted to taste a glass 
of wine today. ' ^ " ,'"'''.'* 

M,\ipt. Answer me^' sir, immediately— liovT'^afe you scan- 
dPize tl e disposition of my niece \ 
^^Tim. Because I speak from experience, sir. 
Ctiiit. Vou do ■? 
JVim. Yes, sir, and you have deceived me, sir. I can now 
account for your wisliing me to marry your niece in such un- 
becoming haste ! You are tired of having your own face 
scratched, and you wish to transfer the pleasure to the first 
fool that you can palm your bargain upon, sir. Nay, sir, 
don't be astonished — Miss Louisa has put me in a passion — 
I'm onmy meitle, sir! andthough 1 may be afraid of a woman 
si--, — damme if 1 am afraid of a man, sir. Now, sir, what do 
you think of that, sir? ( c w&e& to l. h . ) 

Capt. Zounds and furies! have' 1 my faculty of hearing? 
„m» Tim. 1 speak quite loud enough, sir. 

Copt. Mr, J imid! 
^ Tim. 'Yea, sir. 

Capt. Foilovv me into the garden, and take your choice of 
pistoUjjir. pr_,^sir, there's a meadow close at hand — a very 
pretty spot^o bringdown your man in. 
,^ Tim. I've not unloaded my mind yet; — and perhaps you'll 
baas astonished as I was, when I tell you in that closet slie 
had a man concealed, and endeavored to make me believe it 
was a lap dog — but I wasn't to be bit. 

Capt. Stand out of my way — stand out of my way, sir ! or 
I shall knock you down, ( cnjuses f<> t^. ii.) Fire and bullets, 
sir! you are telling me a lie. ( AhnocH at the door, l. h. and 
Chatter enters r.') Chatter open the door. ' ' ~* 
<-'/"' ^- "^es, sir. [Ejff T„ 

,^^ Tim. You may say, do, and think what you please, sir; 
but 1 have my eyes, ears, and opinion ; and 1 have seen and 
heard enough to know, that your niece is not calculated to 

make me happy ; and 

. Capt. Silence sir ! ( crosses) I shall speak to you presently. 

E/tfer Chatteh. l . 

Chat, Mr. "Wiseman. 

Capt. Ask him to walk up. ( ETt't. Chat, r. h.) You don't 
go yet, sir. I must have a word with you'yet. \to Ti >ud) 



22 DEAD SHOT. 



^ 



Filter Mn Wiseman, l. h. preceded by Chatter, iv lw cross!t* 
arid E3.lts R. H.'1^TW?t!ff!rN?yreret{;ea mm very 'cordja FtIf, 

Copt. My dear Mr. Wiseman, you could not have ariilpl 
more oppoilunely. Don't be astonislied at seeing your rivaj 
here ; 1 am well aware that you have always had a slight dis- 
like for each other— but that is natural enough. You have 
now an excellent opportunity of proving your afFcction for" 
my niece, and resenting a gross insult that has been offered 
to her by tliat gentleman. 

Mr. IV. Has ftlr. Timid dared to insult Louisa? 

Capt. Grossly insulted her. Nay, sir, slandered her in my 
presence ; and if you don't instantly call him out, 1 will. 

Tim. Wei!, call away— don't imagine I am afraid to fight ; 
I am well acquainted with the little punctilioes of honor 
necessary to be observed by a gentleman ; and if Mr. VVise- 
man or yourself attempt to interrupt my free egress from this 
house, 1 shall have no objection to give you a little amuse- 
ment with the small sword— a mutual pop with horse pistols 
— or, if you prefer it, I'll box you both for half an hour. 

-J Sir ids ubout. 

Cnpt. Do you hear the gasconading coxcomb ? 
,00'Tim. ( cross'nuj; to c .) Now, Captain, as ycu are perfectly 
let into the seciet of my accommodating disposition, 1 wish 
you and your sweet tempered niece good morning. 

Wise, dlo p pvi "^ ^'^"f: ^ Stop, sir, if you please — the posi- 
tion 1 have taken in tliis family will not allow of my hearing 
any thing derogatory to Miss Louisa. 

-—-Tim. Take your hand off my waistcoat, sir! Let me 
pass you sir. {crosses to u n.) Now, sir, what have you got 
to say 1 -— — — 

Wise. You have no occasion to be so insolent, sir. 
^ Tim. Pooh, pooh, sir, 1 am not accountable to you for 
wiiat I choose to be. 

Wise. Yes, sir, you are, in a measure. 
^^Tim. Pooh ! — don't measure me, sir ; are you a tailor ! 

Copt. (n . u.to WisF. ') Call him out— call him out. 

Wise, Sir, 1 desire you to meet me 

Capt. ^ nromptin r rhim.) In the meadow. 

Wise. In the meadow. 

dipt. In half an hour. 

Wise. In half an hour. 



DEAD SHOT* 23 

Capt. With pistols and a second. 

Wise. With pistols and a second. 
'/;;?. Certainly, sir, ceit.iinly. Don't think to frigliten me 
shall be there. I only hope you may be punctual. 
rhouo;h it is my maiden duel, I'm a dead shot — never missed 
any thing that I fired at in my life; and to prove that I shall 
expect you, 1 shall go to the mn close by — call for a loaded 
pistol and a lighted candle, and snufF it two or three times at 
twenty paces to get my hand in. Ihink to frighten me! ^ 
pooh! Good bye, old four and-t'.venty pounder, Pooh! A^ 

Oipt. ( Shaliiiifj; Wiseman lieartilu htf llie hand ) Now, 
Wiseman, my clear" fellow, before you go out to hght, you 
shall have a little tetea /e^e with Louisa, to inspire you. She's 
coming 1 Now my dear boy, make your^'lf as agreeable as 
possible — j'lst humor her a little. Don't talk too much about 
female delicacy and propriety, and so forth — hut humor !ier ; 
you understand, ( erokes^ Say clever things to her — be gallant 
and debonaire ; leave her with a kiss on her lips, and a stout 
heart to meet your man, and the field is your own, my boy, 

[Exit, L. 

Aj/ Ent er 'L.oviiS.K^ii. hilt ji^nd feathers or;. She runs vp to Wis E -/^ 
/r^ ' ^ ' .MAN, (tiid tiikes Inshaiid. 

Lou. Ha! W., my dear bov, how d'ye do 1 Sit down, sit 
down; and make yourself (.'omfortaide. (f orciblt^ piishitip hivi 
down in chuir.') I have jost hud a run in the garden, and it 
has put me rather out of breath. ( hot h seated ) 1 laid a wager 
of sixpence with Chatter,) hat I would skip round the garden 
and hop over every corner three limes in forty -eight seconds! 
and I won the wager by just half a second. Wasn't it 
capital? 

Wise, (aside) I'm quite amazed, it can't be the same 
woman. ^ 

Lou. Let me look at you, VV.! You seem rather out of 
sorts? Don't notice my rattling way — I know it does not 
exactly correspond with your notions of delicacy, and all that 
— but lord, we women must have whims and fancies, or m'C 
should soon kick the bucket. 13y-the-by, VV., did you hear 
of the men runninij- in sacks, and the badger bait at Barnet, 
the other day ? I'd have given the world to have been there ; 
but my uucle, you see, is such an old drone, be never takes 



24 *EAD SHOT. 

me out any where ; but when I'm your wife, you'll take me to 
all the races, the plays, the balls, the operas, Almacks, the 
rowint,^ matches, the prize fights, and the dog Biiiy — won't, 
you, \\ .1 

Wise. CuMe) The dog Billy! She's certainly mad. I 
had better cat! her uncle. I'm quite alarmed! 

J.OU. But you don't ask me how 1 do, and tell me how I 
look. What do you think of this necklace? diamond, bless 
your soul! J '11 tell you how 1 got it. — You must know, 
uacle went out the other evening — so what did I do, but send 
Chatter to a .young gentleman I am acquainted wiiii in the 
neighborhood, to borrow his coat, waistcoat, pantaloons, and 
hat, and sallied out for a spree. After chasing two or three 
girls about, 1 walked into a billiard room — lots of tip-tjp 
\oung chaps playing and betting high. I, understanding the 
game, soon discovered a crack player --wei»t up to him — gave 
the office —he was on his mettie: played in prime style — 
pocketed and cannoned in all directions — beat every body! — 
hets were doubled— beat every body again I — I pocketed 
^clear two hundred — slipped out of the room — run home — 
couldn't sleep all night for thinking of it — up in the morning 
fiist thing — out with Chatter in a hackney — away to the 
jeneller's— rsaw this — liked it — put it on — paid for it — an4 
here it is. Ha! Italha! — capital, wasn't U, W? (s/ajj/>t»g 
}iim lieiiriiLu on the buck, rises and takes the sluge. ') 
" H'iie. I'm "electrified! I wouldn't have such a woman 
for a wife on any account. I'll call the Captain, (jisinjf:) 

Lou. Oh, VV, now 1 think of it, set down — i'm going 
to a Sunday Concert, next Sunday evening. 

IVUe. A Concert on a Sunday, madam 1 

Lou. What does the man stare at? Bless you, nothing 
so common — all the fashionables patronise them. A very 
delightful mode of passing an evening, I assure you. There 
you have fiddles, hautboys, clarinets, harps, pianos, serpents, 
bassoons, violencelios — scrape, scrape; — thump, thump. — 
strum, strum, and boo ! the bass comes witli such a delightful 
grumble, that you do not'iing but imitate it for a week after. 
Oh, man alive, you're quite a novice, I see. (Wise, rises.) 
Sit still whiie 1 enlighten you ; and as Thompson says, ' teach 
your young idea how to shoot.' 

SoNO— Su/iduj/ Concert, 



DEAD SHOT, 25 

Wise, (a fter sov^, ri - s ^^) Mail am, I am very sorry to see 
Such an unaccbunuble change in your conduct and ideas. I 
had hitlierto considered you a very exemplary young lady, 
and one tliat 1 llioUjjht wouid make a comturuible domestie 
NVife ; but 1 am very disagreeably undeceived ; and I beg to 
take my leave. 

I.OU. Ell! -Oil, my dear \V.,you sre joking I am sure. 

Wise. Ko, madam, 1 never was more ia earaeit in all my 
life. 

Lou. VVliat, you wont have me for a wile] 

Wise. I beg leave to declffle. 

Lou. And a ter courting nie for a matter of six weeks! 

Wise. 1 have said it, madam. 

Lou. Then, sir, get out of the house — get out of the house 
immediately, or I'll send for a young rnan to thrash you. 
But I scorn to take advantage of a defenceless individual; 
so, sir, 1 shall leave you to \our reflections. You have de- 
ceived me, »lr, th^retore b: war* of me, tor if 1 should only 
happen to meetyoi: at a propci place, and m a proper temper, r 
I shall most properly horse whip you. \ Eiit, »• - ■^^'C 

Wise. Bless me! what a mi.cuulous escape I've had!— 
such a woman as tiiat would drive me to a lunatic asylum. I 
shall certainly take her advice, and get out of the house as 
quick as possible, i^h! bless nic'! but I'm engaged to fight 
a duel on her account. 

Capta in Cannon lyeep s in, l. 

Capt. Well, Wiseman, my lad, how get you on 1 

Wise. Oh, sir, i — 1 — waat to go, 

Capt. Go! where? 

Wise. Home, sir, — if you've no objtcfion. 

Capt. Oh, to seek a second, I suppose, Don't pot your* 
self at all out of the way, I'll peitiirm that otiice for you. 

Wise. Captain Cannon, 1 have but veiy lew woids to say 
on the present occasion. I have no incliuaiion either tofiglrf 
for or to marry your niece j and I oeg to decdae both. 

Capt. Powder and shot! what is tlie meaning of all this? 
Are the men mad. Do you intend to marry my niece, sir! 

Wise, No. 

Capi. Do you intend to keep youi appointment with your 
rival? 

Wi$e, No. 



26 DEAD SHOT. 

Capt. I'll have an explanation. .J^uisa, ( calliiw ) Louisa! 
Enter Louisa. r, with whip behind her^ unverceived. 

Capt. Come hither. What is the cause of the alteration in 
the sentiments of this gentlemen ? 

Lou. Upon my word, uncle, 1 don't knqw — so don't ask me. 

Wise. But I do, — and the sooner yoiisee me out of the 
house, the better for us both. * 

Capt. Louisa, go to your room. ( E^it Louisa, r. shahins: 
the whip at \N.^i i nseen hu C Ar-TA^.,') Ilarkee, sir! this is the 
secoim insult I have lia'd oneretOo me this day ; and I insist 
upon your instantly pro^^eeding to the meadow, where, if you 
and Mr. Timid do not explain yourselves/a|id apologize, lyi 
fight you botli. . 'r 

Chut, ( without , 1..) Help! help! I've caught a man. 

■ Enter Chatter, l. dragging in Frederick, by the collar . 

Wise. There, sir, your young woman hafs.caught a man. 

Chat. J apprehended this young man In* the garden con- 
cealed behind a gooseberry bush ; so I sent for a constable 
and had him secured. 

Capt. What, Mr. Thornton. Zounds! I'll have a regular 
Court Martial, and have you all shot at once. This is the 
second time, sir, that you have been discovered trespassing on 
my premises. 

Chat, ( to Fre d.') Now for it; do as I told you. 

Fred. Sir — tlTeTact is, you are perfectly ac<juainted with 
my pretentions to the hand of your niece; and though you 
have rejected me on account of my being a young lawyer 
without practice, yet T considered myself auihorised, at least 
in the endeavor, to obtain the young lady's^ affections in an 
honorable manner. I had heard that she had been insulted, 
and I concealed myself in your garden to watch and listen, 
in order to ascertain the offenders. 1 have learnt who they 
^re, and 1 now appear to fight both of them. 

f Ej/t Chatter, r,, 

Capt, Give me your hand — your are the besf lellow I've, 
seen to day. 

Fred, If I survive the contest, sir, will you give your con- 
sent 1 

Capt. No— on that point I am decided, I'll not marry my 



DEAD SHOT, 27 

niece to any man whose prospects in life are not equal to her 
own. But if you do survive, you shall be an accepted friend 
at my house, and a l^te and fork shall alvvaj^s be laid for 
you at my table. • - - . ^ 

Fred. Very well, sir* 

Cap. (to \Vi%E .) Now, sir, you are at liberty to leave the 
the house as soon as you please. But, mark me, 1 shall ex- 
pect you to meet tliis ;^entleman in the meadow. 

Wine, ( crosses) You'll excuse me, sir, — 1 beg leave to de- 
cline, and wisii you a very good day. f ExU. l, 

Capt. Well, that's cool. Now, sir, after him — if youvatue 
my friendship, after lum — make him fight. Insult him — do 
any thing — but fight you must, and both of them too. I'll 
join you in half a minute. Make him fight! 

Fred. Sir, if he wont fight I'll kick him. [£iit*Jifc 

C(f/jf. Capital! fluzza! this is just as it should be. Now 
for a glorious smell of powder. 

E nter Louisa and Chatter, r. crying 

Lou. (n.) Oh! oh! uncle, why do you act in this rash 
manner] why do yon involve yourself in quarrels, and then 
want to go a fighting ? 

Chat, (l.) Oh, sir don't go. If you were to be sho-o-ot, 
what would become of us poor single young women? Oh ! oh, 

Capt. (c.) Nonsense, girls, nonsense — I must be deaf to 
your cries and entreaties - the voice of honor calls me to the 
field, and 1 must away. 1 have been insulted — you have been 
insulted, and I must go and receive the satisfaction I have 
demanded. 

Lou, Yes, and that satisfaction may be a bullet in your 
body. 

Chat. And who will satisfy us for your loss. 

Capt. Laurels and liberty! let me go — don't cling to me 
thus— ^ts past the time. TJje parties* are by this time meet- 
ing, and I am absent, I niust get on my' regimentals, and 
powder my ha'iT.--:^3lt^ A Jpitd hiockin<r js hmrd at the door v. 
which contin u es till it is- opened.) Theie, there, that is a tele* 
graphic despatch. Run, Chatter, run and bring the news. 

El it C-iATTE H, L, 

Lou. Oh, uncle! what hnve you done ♦ ' ' "" ' v^ 

Capt. Silence, Louisa— silence, X like it— 'tis all as iWf 
shguld be. What, Timid 




28 DEAD SHOT. 

• y. TiMrp rushjs ^ hi l. tcith a discharged pistol in his handf 
Jollowe dby Chati in. He is pule lUid uBitaied—he sinks 
in a chair and pants Jor brealli. ,^k ^ ■ ■ «. 

^ Tim. I've done it! — I've shot him ! — and I'm a murderer. 
The police officers are at my heels! 1 caw him fall, covered 
■with blood. JVJy eye sight failed me — my htain reeTed--and 
1 called for help. Two police officers leaped ov^ir the fence — 
I run — gained the douse — and — Chatter, have you double- 
locked the street door? 
Ghai. Yes, sir, yes. 
Capt. What is the matter' 

Lou. What has happened?— tell me my dear sir. 
^k Tim. 1 can't— 1 can't. He would fight me — he provoked 
me to it! It was not Wisf-.man, it was the lap-dog. He 
•would fig4it. 1 took the pistols— seconds measured the ground, 
1 knew 1 was a dead shot ! I told him so — he wouldn't be- 
lieve it. I fired, and he fell. 
Lou. Who fell, sir? 
^00 Tim. Mr/l'hornton. 

Capi. Poor fellow. Where is he? 
_^ Tim, It s all your fault, you old Lucifer; you first proposed 
fighting, and I was lured into the crime. What shall I do? 
I'm a murderer, an assassin! and all that is left me is to tear 
»iy hair and die. 

jijoud knockingjitjhe do(^ l. Chati er rtins to l, Ti^iiiJg^ 
jjses and^^ts^ to R. 
^_,,^^ Tim.Tlieretliey'are ! they have come to drag me to justice. 
Capt. My dear sir, compose yourself. 
Ton. Don't take on so, sir. 
^^ 'Jim. Oh, yes, very pretty ! you burn a man with a red hot 
poker, and then ask him not to cry out. I'm undone forever. 
1 told him 1 was a dead shot — but he only said "Stuff!" Ah, 
he comes — his bleeding form comes to accuse me. 

Ilnier FLFPiRir K. hleedi ncr,!., s vpported hu Wtlltams, sitsin 
^I'^nii e:fl''tcful^unidk(rchie]^ inj ihi TuWdv^^XIirAiT^ERj onows, 
-soBI Tnig—a'^TV^ ishM A's eoteyTcoriarc'd ftt/ two Polic e Ojficers 
"and another hehi itd — ulio crosses and' secures liaTipT 

Ist OJi. I must secure you. 

Tim. Miserable man ! (crying t o Freq.) I told you I was 
a dead shot. ~ 




# 



DEAD SHOT. '£B 

^ Cha t, croises to Louisa, and ar)vears e:{pluinii}g circximstances C^^^ 

Capt. INly dear sir, how came you not to manage better 1 
Are you sure the wound is mortal] 

Frt^d, Yes, sir, 
•— »^ Tim. Bless your soul you'll be a dead man in half an hourt 
I knew what the consequence would be. 1 went to fight 
Wiseman — U isemau was there to fight nim. Thornton would 
fight us both. It was my lot to stand up first, and my lot to 
shoot him through the head. 

Fred, Captain Cannon, as I have received my death wound 
iti fighting your quane! — you will not refuse |tte a last request? 

Capt. TSi'ame it, my dear fellow. -J 

Fred. 1 have scarcely an hour to live. You well know 

that I have long loved your niece — will you marry me to her 

immediately, that I may have the satisfaction of dying with 

the knowitdge that she will be my widow? 

^^^^JTim. 'I hat's the only consolation 1 should have to marry her. 

Capt. (to Tim.) The poor fellow is delirious, we must hu- 
mor him. Certainly, my dear Thornton, if your opponents 
have no objection. 

Capt. {to Lor 16 a) Will you comply with the last request 
of your gallant champion ? 

Lou. \sohhi)tg) Yes, uncle. 

Capt. (pleading Louisa to Fred.) There — take his cold 
hand in yours, my love,— gratitude demands it. 

,Lou. (git-i»g /'^'" hand to Freb., who presses i* to his lips') 
W%at a pity he is going to die so soon. 
^00^^Tim. ( a^ide) I think it is very fortunate for him that he is. 

Fred. Gentlemen: — you are witnesses to my having the 
consent of the young ladj^guudian 1 
^^^ Tim.&j Wise, Oh, yes, certainly. 

Fred, {wiping away the blood from his forehead") Ila! ha! 
ha! there, gentleman, the blood is removed from my forehead, 
and also from Mr. Timid's conscience, 
^^^ Tim. I'm not a dead shot then? 

1^ Fred. 1 am no more >\ ounded than any here;"* **The police . 
officeismaygo about their business. ( Exit Williams antij ^ 
Of^FicERS^L.) And Louisa is my affianced bride. ? 

'y^Tim. JMy uear fellow, come to my arms! (crosses t(f Fred. 
■^■ —emhraces him .) Tol de rol lol ! I'm not a dead shot after all. "^C^ 
But where — when — why— what — and how] 



30 DEAD SHOT, 

Fred. Williams, my friend here, and factotem on the occa- 
sion, carefully avoided charging the pistols with bail : and a 
sponge filled with liquid colour, dexterously applied, is no 
bad substitute'' for blood, and much more harmless. 

,^0^Tim. Ha! ha! Kgad, you're a deep one, young and six- 
and-eightpence. 

Capt. Upon my word, a very capitol joke indeed. My 
consent is ce^tainly obtained ; and as you, Louisa, and Chat- 
ter here, seem perfectly to understand each other, 1 can only 
say, get married as soon as you can. 

„„m.Tiin, I wish you joy, but upon my soul, I am very sorry for 
you. (crosses to p) 

IVine? i pityyou, upon my veracity. 

Lou. But 1 trust, gentlemen, 1 shall prove to Mr. Thornton, 
that he will have no occasion to be sorry or be pitied; and 
though my violent temper may have alarmed you; QoTJiuv^ 
and my little indelicacies may have shocked you, sir !^ (fo Vv) 
yet matrimony is a great changer of manners and dispositions; 
and 1 may be a good tempered, amiable, and domestic wife. 

.,-— Ti/n. And if all present will agree to humour the young 
lady's disposition, I hope that this piece will not miss fire — 
that it may go off with a good report, and its contents be 
most decidedly a dead shot. 



f^- — — — --41., 



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These Plays will form an excellent Companion to the 
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No. 1. THERESE. 

Wii.. aj^ntl length Portrait of Eilwin Fcrred, Esq, 

— 2. THE DEAD SHOT. 

— ? MLET. 

— 4. HIGH, LO\Y, JACK, & GAME. 



PROSI'ECrUS OF 

The Saiis^cr's JTIag^aKiite. 

TJie exiraoniiiiary ciiT.u'alidii attained by many of the clieap pub- 
licaiio ..s (il tlie (Jiiy, li-is su;:ilt'slc(l to ibe piopi iinois, tliat, if a work 
cakiii.iicit lo be of iiiieicsi lo the lovers of Eui< rpe were nffertd 
to ih<' public at a price and in a liirm accouimodated lo ibe demands 
of the a<;e, ihe »uppi»it wbicli it iniglit reasonably amicipaie would be 
proporiioiiably liberal. In accoiddiice wilb ibis view, ibey bave re- 
Bolveii to coniineiice tbe issue of ilie Singer's Magazine, in a neat 
and bandsiinie style, and in sucb form, as will bring il within reacU 
of all clashes of iiie comniuniiy. 

AMIinujjb iininerous aiienipis have been made to combine within a 
Pnblicalion ail the Priiicipai Songs, wbicli have delighted by gone 
generaiion.-!, and tnade up pari of ihe Amusements for those of the 
time being; few, indeed, bave borne out the promise made in the 
tjtle-paiie. To produce a really beauiiful and serviceable compilation 
of Songs, there requnes sonie degree of tasic; uniicd to a persevere- 
ance and aciiviiy, lo catch the productions of a fleeting hour. 

We might write a book instead of a preface, in evidence and illus- 
tration of Ihe exqii site uses and almost m<igical power of a Song. 
It is not unlifquently til us a piece of our being^ — we catch ourselves 
conjuring up before u:», with a Song of other days, the circumstances 
•f our infancy;; the 'old familiar faces' look upon us, and we create 
for a time, '^ second childhood.' Let not this picture be received 
with a smile of crediiiiiy ; it cannot, by any one whoge.beart has ever 
thrilled beneath the influence of all-entrancing nui^c- Many a time 
in a foreign country has ' Hail Columbia,' bursting from the lips of 
the enterprising American tr'iveller, awakened all his thoughts of 
home! sweet home! bow often has the Englishman's heart throbbed 
with joy at " Rule Britannia," wIkjm distant from his native shore ; 
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and the generous bosom of ihe expatiiaied Emeraldcr beat with 
transpcntat 'Erin Go Branch.' The stories told of the effect of 
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althouub sufficient confidence in the power of Song to believe. 

Whilst these emotions continue to live in the human heart, a 
work, which, combining the meir.ncholy with the gay, the pensive 
with Ihe humorous, affords a plentiful repast to the Lovers of Song, 
niust bean object of valneand pnironage. 

THE SINGF.R'S MAGAZINE will be published every Wednes- 
day, each nuntber will contain at least ten songs. In order to render 
it the most complete work of the kind, arrangements have been made 
with a uentleman in London to forward to the publishers every thing 
ti>at mav be of inieresl to our Patrons. 

The work wi'l form at the end of the year, tw» handsome volumes 
each containing 300 finely printed ociodecimo pages, to which will be 
given a title page, index, and a portrait of one of our first vocalists 
executed by an artist of celebrity. 

Terms— $],5Q per annum, payable in every instance half yearly in 
advance. 

Single numbers may he had at the low price of three cents each, 

TURNER & FISHER, 
Publishers, 1 1 North Sixth Street, Philadelphia. 






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